As I turn 50 next week – I am reflecting on life. I think this is fairly typical human behaviour when faced with a significant birthday.
I have no regrets. Well, maybe one. This poem is about that one regret.
I remember that look in her eyes
That said to me, “It wouldn’t be wise”
Settled back and watched her play pool
Admirers gathered, like thieves to a jewel
Years later I wonder how long she played
Played straight, played safe, existing afraid
1989 it was illegal to be a queer in Defence
Mutterings of military prison for the offence
“You’ll get a long three weeks in Holsworthy”
Imagine how gruesome prison would be?
So we got lost, in a world, filled with fear
And now as I queer up in my 50th year
I wonder where she is and how she is now
If she is finally free from this, somehow?
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried to find her
But still for some LGTBIQA+ remains a slur
At 50, in the age of finding those lost on the net
Never being able to find her is my one regret
I really don’t know if she’s happy or still scared
I hope she can remember just how much I care.
Jacci Pillar 